she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
