I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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