There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
