just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
