i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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