I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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