lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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