Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
