I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
