we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
