dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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