Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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