I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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