I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
