my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
