Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your penis caused this!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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