no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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