he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
someone owes me an orgasm
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
