My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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