I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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