We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
