Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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