I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
