I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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