Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
