it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
