i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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