I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
