everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thus making me awesome and them whores
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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