Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
