I puked a lego.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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