You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dicks are not precious.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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