i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im six kinds of drunk right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize