Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
