You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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