It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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