The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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