so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
