Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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