One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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