Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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