i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this will be a night to untag.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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