I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
