toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
