please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
