omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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