blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
