I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize