i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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