I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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