Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
