I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
