no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
