Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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