So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
