I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
