Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
