11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
