you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
