Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize