So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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