Best friends brother. Beat that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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