She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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