I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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