I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
