Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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