Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
