I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
