My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
