Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
