So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
