I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize