Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Your tits are I can't wait for
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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