just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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