If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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