I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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