it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
