is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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