just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
