He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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