I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I died a long time ago.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
