i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
