I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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