I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
