fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize