I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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