Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want to make out with him forever
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
