How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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