i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
