I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
