Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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