I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
