umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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