i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
