Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
