Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
