I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize