All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize