Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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