We won't sleep together?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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