the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
