and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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