First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
