What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
