I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
