My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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