I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
