Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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