I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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