so explain again why im purple
no
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
