So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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