It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
