Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
