So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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